A-holes and Camel Toes

A-Holes and Camel Toes

It’s been a banner week for me on social media. I called my kid (and myself) an asshole on Instagram, and no one even yelled at me. Then I took a picture in a form-fitting dress with a camel, and all hell broke loose.

First, the former. Tuesday, my 6-year-old son Henry had a rough morning. His little sister pissed him off. He pretended to punch her. She cried. And I lost my shit. The “hands to yourself thing” is a big player in our house, mostly because both our kids have a hard time doing it. So when I thought he actually punched her, I did the mean mom march right up to him, threw in some pissed off mom yelling with a healthy mix of stern finger pointing and finished it off with a, “Go get in the car right now. You are grounded.”

There were no words on the short drive to school. I told him I loved him as he got out of the car, he froze me out like Hungry Man TV dinner, and off he went. And off I went to do a commercial shoot in Dallas (I schlep cars in my spare time). But all I could think about was how big of an asshole I was to my kid. He’s six. I’m 40. I should’ve taken the high road. I didn’t. And it killed me.

I had a game that night, and I knew I wouldn’t get to see Henry until the next morning, so I wanted to make things right. I drove back to Fort Worth as quick as I could and pulled Henry out of school so I could apologize. Talk about humble pie. Here I was, the grown up, having to say sorry to the 6-year-old for getting it wrong. Little did I know it would be one of  the most liberating and rewarding experiences of my brief parenting career.

I took him to our favorite lunch spot. I told him I was sorry for the way I reacted. And then I called him (and me) an asshole on Instagram (see below). Henry doesn’t know I called either one of us an asshole, and I hope to keep that way for at least 10 years, but strangely enough, I’m glad I did. Because you know what happened? Tons of parents who have been through that same scenario in their house didn’t feel alone. They identified with the fact that I lost my shit and felt the need to apologize to my kid. And their comments made be feel better.

And that makes me do a social media fist pump.


Now to the latter.

The Rangers hold their big charity event, Triple Play, every year, and I love being a part of it. Everyone gets dressed up and cuts loose. It’s a nice change of pace from the grind of a Major League Baseball season. Even though it’s work, I always have a great time. This year’s theme called for a live camel, and who doesn’t want a photo op with a live camel? Ok, maybe a lot of people, but I wasn’t going to miss out on a chance to take a pic with a camel on Hump Day, nonetheless!

I posted it on Twitter with the hilarious caption of “Stop. Camel time.” Let me know when you’re done laughing ;). Anyway, the picture elicited a comment that made me think. It had to do with my dress being tight and insert camel toe joke here. Look, there was an actual camel toe in the picture, so maybe this guy was just trying to be funny. I mean, I appreciate a good camel toe joke as much as the next guy–and lord knows I’ve whiffed on plenty of attempted Twitter jokes–but I felt like there might have been a hint of mean in there, and I wanted to address it.

Was it tight? Damn straight it was. It’s not like I thought I was walking around in sweats and a turtleneck. I felt pretty in that dress. I felt confident in that dress. People said nice things to me in that dress, and I appreciated them. I’m not sure if that guy was trying to shame me or not, but I wanted him to know that it’s cool if he thinks my dress was too tight. I also wanted him to know I didn’t give a shit about what he thinks.

After I sent my response, I wondered if I sounded cocky and vain. Maybe I did. But you know what? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to look pretty and feel confident. And whether it’s a bandage dress (thanks to my former roomie and fashionista Meredith Land for letting me know that’s what it’s called) or a potato sack that does it for you, get after it! It’s such a fine line with women, particularly in my line of work, but it shouldn’t be. I mean I’m not showing up at the ballpark in a bikini anytime soon, but you get the point.

And I totally get that when you put something out there on social media, you’ve got to be prepared for feedback. Isn’t that what it’s all about? But that feedback isn’t always going to be positive, so you have to decide how you’re going to handle it. Ignore it or address it. In this case,  I wanted to address it, and I’m glad I did.


12 thoughts on “A-holes and Camel Toes


    I loved you in that dress on Twitter, and love you in it now! You ROCK that dress! If I looked like that, I would wear it every damn day! ROCK ON GIRLFRIEND! Haters are gonna hate, so just don’t look their way! Keep moving forward and upward!

  2. Corina

    I think you need to wear that dress to carpool line, to pick up dry cleaning, and anywhere and anytime you damn well please. You rocked (the Casbah) in it! Thank you for being real and honest and for not backing down on your haters. Love ya, Em!

  3. WDN

    A few comments on your blog post –
    First – I love that you do this and that you’re so honest with all of it. Your writing and your game involvement on my television just make my day better every time you do. Thanks.
    Second – We are ALL a-holes to our kids at times. Every one of us, and the kids are often a-holes, too. To help me be better, I told my precious one when she was younger, (after I apologized for how I spoke to her) that her job in those situations was to look me right in the eye, hold her hand up and say “Daddy, you’re not supposed to talk to me that way.” I explained I had a right to be angry and to reprimand and punish her when needed, but I had no right to be demeaning and degrading. She held her end of the bargain up a few times, and it really made a difference in how I handled our ‘discussions’ on future issues. I think it helped us.
    Third – you look awesome in that dress and anyone who has to say something like that, even if sarcasm or not, needs to get a grip on life. There are people you can speak to like that and those you should not. Your husband could say that to you. Another guy? Not so much. Uncalled for, no matter the point trying to be made.

    You’re awesome in every way on television and in how you present yourself publicly and I’d be willing to bet I’m not the only male in the D/FW area that has a media crush on you. Keep up the great work and thanks so much for bringing fun and a fresh breeze to all you do.

    You’ve got a lot of fans here, and we love ya!

  4. susan burnett

    First, that guy’s tweet was flat out mean-had nothing to do with humor. Second, you can’t have a camel toe in a dress-which makes that guy’s tweet dumb as well as mean. Third, you always look well dressed but this look was exceptional.

  5. The Hardline Wizard

    See here’s the deal. Camel or no camel, before you wore that dress out on that lawn the building behind you was a three story apartment complex.

  6. Ron

    Hey, Emily – I’m going to go against trend and say that if I had read that guy’s tweet first, I would have thought it was just an attempt to be funny. I didn’t see it as a criticism.

    But maybe I’m wrong. And to your immense credit, you don’t really accuse him of being mean, just let us know that it felt that way to you. And Lord knows many time people are accidentally mean when they are just trying to be funny. (And Lord knows that many people think of “celebrities” as fair game to insult and treat like a punching bag, not like real people with real feelings.)

    Bottom line is I have no beef with your reaction, or your article. And I continue to think you’re awesome. But I wouldn’t have taken it as mean-spirited.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

A little math to prove you\'re human * Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.